naomibaker

2006-11-06T23:34:00.000Z

so sporadic posting is an understatement.

the trouble with not posting often is that you don't know where to start, and each time requires a rethink about what you are prepared to say in public. the whole public/private thing can get very tricky.

suffice it to say, i'm not having the best time at work for a number of reasons, and being continually tired and stressed seems to affect quite alot of my life. but what to do is difficult. how do i fit action with what i consider to be important principles? when does speaking your mind become more than that? at what point does discussing a problem, consulting to find a solution, being a team player, descend into bitching?

and how, when you are tired a demoralised do you manage to look past the grot and take pleasure in the little things? in the clear crisp autmnal day, the mist creeping romanitcally around the hills and through the trees, the fantastic colours in nature, the surprise gift, the graciousness of those around who instead of saying 'pull yourself together' listen patiently.

i should stop now, and crawl into bed. another day past. 5 weeks until the end of term (thats 24 days left for those who are counting)

2006-08-11T10:12:00.000+01:00

as i lay in bed this morning listening to the today programme on radio 4 i became increasingly proud of archbishop john sentamu, who, without taking sides is taking action over the mess in the middle east, by praying and fasting. you can read more about it here. what i thought was particularly good was he was refocussing us back on the real tradgedy of the moment - yesterday's events meant that whilst travellers were inconvenienced they were safe, unlike the people in lebanon:

As of Thursday evening, more than 1,000 Lebanese, most of them civilians, have now been killed in the month-long conflict, Lebanon says. Some 122 Israelis, most of them soldiers, have also been killed.

2006-07-31T09:32:00.000+01:00

i'm posting right now because i am just too tired to work. i'm writing this then i shall have another cup of tea, and press on.

i'm tired today, because i finally went to sleep at about 12:30 last night, and i got up at 2:45 to drive to stonehenge for a private viewing (you get to walk among the stones unlike on a normal visit).

the thing that got me (as i wandered around with rampant archaeologists!) is the size of the thing. never mind anything else, and i've seen a few stone circles/henges in my time (brodgar and stenness at easter were new to me) but stonehenge really is massive. it also feels very far removed from avebury, which is just up the road, the landscape and scale are so different. without being all pseudospiritual there really was something special about arriving at 5am and watching the sun rise.

the bacon sarnie on the way back was pretty good too. right tea and then work . ..

2006-07-25T16:58:00.000+01:00

~dips toe in water~

2005-08-11T17:02:00.000+01:00

our week or so in france was lovely, but that was a long time ago now.

this week i don't know whether i'm sitting or standing it feels like. some lovely things and some not very fun things.

one of the things on the lovely front; my friend kathy getting married
one of the things on the not so lovely front; being so late for kathy's wedding that i missed the marriage but arrived at the split second i needed to in order to do my reading - i feel divine intervention in that one!

i've been asking myself a lot of questions, but i won't bore anyone with that. one of my problems is that i'm just not satisfied, i'd like to be content, but its going to take rather alot of inner transformation at this rate.

2005-06-28T17:53:00.000+01:00

i'm off on holiday, doodah doodah,

hooray.

in the last week i've queued for an hour to get michael palin to sign a book, dug (and backfilled) a trench, sorted clothes, cried over onions and I am now having my traditional leaving work to go on holiday panic. this goes roughly on the lines of - there must be something i've forgotten. what can it be, and then getting worked up when i can't remember. last time this was capped by me phoning the department from milan airport.

i've decided that if there are unpaid bills then they can wait a week. really. everything else will just have to do. i can leave my desk. no really i can. . .

2005-06-21T15:07:00.000+01:00

finally she posts . . .

its been while, life has been on the busy side, but it looks like the overbusy bit is coming to an end.

i am on the extremely tired side today however as i was up before 3am. click here to find out why . . .

now i've broken the ice i'll be back!

2005-02-25T17:37:00.000Z

so its friday evening and i'm about to leave work finally.

its been a long week - it always is when you come back from holiday i think (great, if snotty time skiing), and her maj visited today - an event with rather low security we all thought - i've been practicing my sniper aiming skills and had a rather good shot.

so much good and bad stuff has happended, in such a short space of time. i felt like i was rather run ragged before we left, and it really is like we never went now, all this stuff about resting in the lord is well and good, but i'm not doing too well at it right now. still i've learnt alot in the past few weeks and we have started the process of getting a cleaner which will help with the whole being stupidly tired and not having any time thing.

there has been lots of cool stuff though, too numerous to mention (cop out i know) but God has been faithful and gracious more times than i can count.

2005-01-12T18:39:00.000Z

there is a quite cool scheme in bristol currently: the great reading adventure. it is in its third year and the idea is that lots of people read the same book over a couple of months. the libraries get lots of copies in and so forth (and it becomes a topic of conversation). this year its a book by helen dunmore (a local author) called 'the siege'. it would not normally be my first choice, but i'm enjoying it. any one else read it?

2005-01-06T18:02:00.000Z

christmas was lovely, but over rather too soon.

term starts tomorrow, and it feels a little as if i am about to be sucked into a giant vacuum - i already have a desk full of 'urgent' things and its growing!

one of my great pressies was a days learn to ski lesson, at the snow dome in tamworth, which was amazing. it helped me find out that i am definately a ski-er.

apart from that i've read, shopped, eaten, drunk and slept.

all in all, excellent.

ps how nifty is this: at the first new year's eve party we went to we got party bags (for the morning after), in them were: crisps and chocolate, a large G&T , and painkillers. what more could you ask for?

2004-12-17T16:00:00.000Z

i do love my job. in the last few weeks we've had a conference for mick (new series of time team starts first sunday in january, channel 4), several christmas parties, and term has finally finished. it was an uphill battle getting to the end of term and i'm looking forward to nearly 2 weeks off, although i have sooo much work to catch up on it unreal. i've also learnt what the theory of reception is(don't ask me to explain it in too much detail - i haven't learnt that much!). today i finally started christmas shopping, and even bought cards (lets see if i get time to write them before the last post). the weeks running up to the end of term have been particularly hard as the Boy and i have hardly seen each other.

comedy moment of the day has to have been me arriving. i walked in in the rain and was absolutely drenched. i have shoes and socks drying all around the department (ooh yes i'm the essence of professionalism in the holidays me) and as i walked down our large entry corridor you could see where i had been - there was a long soggy trail!

sunday is the wedding of a good friend of mine from school, and its been great to catch up with friends from then from all round the country in the last week or so, but it has made life that little bit more hectic.

this is what i'm dwelling on currently. i just keep coming back to it. my wanting results, being impatient, struggling to follow Jesus, to be a light. but having to be, having to trust that following Him the best way i can is the only way for those around me to see. buts its so hard. i just want them to know, to understand. but resolution doesn't happen until the very end. and i feel like i have so far to go. and it all comes back to 'am i following Jesus the best way i can?', can i honestly answer yes? (it makes me want to stamp my feet and say 'i just want my friends to know You, please make it happen')

2004-11-16T16:17:00.000Z

it was a rather chilly weekend: my father-in-law spent saturday fitting a new back door for us, which meant no door until after 10pm (no door=no heating!) sunday was a little cold too: i spent the afternoon varnishing the blasted thing, so i now very much appreciate central heating. in some ways it reminded me of my house growing up: this vast victorian vicarage, with rattling windows, threadbare carpets, and a decrepit central heating system which meant that even if my parents had been able to afford to have it on constantly it would have made little difference.

i have memories of me as a primary school child being sent outside because the oil for our oil fired heating had frozen in the pipes; we'd pour hot water on the pipes to defrost them. baths would be filled with water heated in kettles and on the stove. as i got older we got a new, gas boiler so we were saved from these duties: instead i spent many of the winter months as a teenager sitting against the radiator in my bedroom, wrapped in my quilt attempting to do my homework or read. this isn't a sob story: i enjoyed that time, it was rather cozy. it was also an advantage when i went to university - i was used to a cold house!

i am now, however a complete softy, and so i spent a happy hour in tescos on saturday afternoon - choosing the longest queue at the checkouts.

it also made me rather thankful to God for the blessings that i have, however obvious they are and however often i overlook them.

~ta Lord~

2004-11-10T13:28:00.000Z

as i lay in bed last night, drifting off to the land of nod i listened to 'today in parliament' on radio 4, and a discussion about the new 'civil partnership' bill that is going through the house of commons currently. an amendment had been suggested to open it up to brothers and sisters who live together (by a conservative christian lobby group), because it has implications on inheritance and pension rights.

what set me thinking was the differences for brothers and sister and gay couples (i know there are the obvious ones). the main one that i could think of (at that time of night) is the next of kin thing. brothers and sisters have the automatic right to be next of kin, they are family, gay couples don't have that. the particular kind of situation that i thought of was in hospital type situations, when life or death decisions are being made, (or for organ donation), who should get to make the choices: the person's partner of many years or their family? (in the soap opera version the family would have disowned the person many years previously and want a completely different choice from the partner) this bill will give the civil partner these rights legally. the thought that carried me off to sleep was that wherever you stand on homosexuality in this very broad family we call Church, surely this is an injustice that needs righting? even if you believe homosexuality to be the utmost abomination (as some do) isn't allowing the love of someone's life to take part in the decision of how it is ended part of mercy?

i know that this is not all the bill is about; it has incrediably wide ranging implications, but things like this always raise questions for me about 'setting the oppressed free' and whether the Church is an oppressor. surely it is possible to disagree with someone's views/behaviour without actively oppressing that person?

~disclaimer~ the above is not a reflection of my views necessarily, purely a late night ponderance! ;)

2004-11-04T10:30:00.000Z

i've been really bad at blogging recently, and things aren't going to change much today i'm afraid. i've crawled into work, they've looked at me and suggested i crawl back home again, however in the meantime i leave you with this as my comment on the bush/kerry business!

2004-10-21T20:15:00.000+01:00

its been an incrediably good couple of weeks. as a surprise (kind of) i took the Boy to Berlin for a long weekend, for his birthday, where we met up with chan, and had a great time. we then had a manic week at home, during which we told our homegroup that we would be handing it on to Tom (R) and Niki (B) at the end of the month, then on Friday we went up to sheffield (where i was at uni) to stay with some uni friends and take part in the webcast of a good friends wedding (who was getting married in oz), this was great, we ate wedding cake, drank sparkling wine at 5 am and generally had no sleep. saturday night we stayed with the Boy's mum, and trekked home on the sunday to spend several hours painting, before heading off to vineyard late's first meeting (our new evening service).

this week has been similarily busy (chris did an excellent home group last night, where we used all our senses - the first time in a while that i've been in the room wilingly with a lit jos stick-, and spent time learning about and reflecting on God's peace,) but so far the highlight has been today, when I went on a field trip, with a group of 2nd and 3rd year students to look at castles in wales, with an amazingly enthusiastic academic. we did an unplanned drop in on an excavation at a roman site (completely by chance) and generally had a good trip. i arrived back in time to go to a lecture on incas (in particular a site near machu pichu that this particular chap had made discoveries at.) all in all, a very good day!

i've not even talked about God stuff, and that may be because i don't know where to start. God has been talking to me about lots of stuff, and its been interesting. i feel like i'm learning so much at the moment, but not stuff i really know how to even say. but its really really good. althoguh i had a weird moment last night, when we shared communion, as i had spent some time that day reading about cannibals (long story) and some of it had been rather graphic. it lent a whole new edge to 'this is my body' and i got a new depth of understanding as to why some romans were horrified by early christian behaviour as they believed they were cannibals because of the rite they shared. ;)

2004-10-06T13:06:00.000+01:00

finally, blogging at work. i've just been too busy really to write until now. i love my new job, like everything it has its downsides: i may start a campaign to have a hair dryer, as whenever i walk in a seem to get soaked!

this make take some time, as i'm sure to be interrupted . . .

so here i am. its been a tricky few weeks; learning the ropes (i'm not there yet), and the Boy tore his hamstring again this weekend, which puts an end to footy for him until after xmas. i've been shattered most nights, which is never good - i don't need to be drunk to make a fool of myself, just tired! but i seem to be through the worst now, and i've even been to bed later than 10pm some nights.

all sorts of other things have been going on, and i'm excited about lots of things, but one of the top ones is whats happening next weekend: the Boy and i are going up to sheffield for a weblink up with a wedding in oz! its a good friend of mine from uni, and i get to see some of the gang again.

God's been talking about lots of stuff, i'm not sure where its going, for either of us, but this year (married nearly a year now, can you believe it?) has been so much change and learning that i can't quite believe it. one thing i am definately learning saying no is important, actually how to say it is a whole new lesson that i don't seem to have got a handle on!

2004-09-13T17:12:00.000+01:00

i got through my final day, somehow. i am going to miss people, just not work . . . i was given beautiful flowers, chocolate etc and sent on my merry way.

i spent the afternoon seeing round my new job at bristol. i left a little confused but hopeful.

the weekend was eventful: friday night meant dinner with some of the coolest older people ever. they've been happily married for 61 years (pretty good start), and have been follwoing jexux for most of that time. they are also from south wales and started following jesus at teh tail end of the welsh 'turn or burn' church glory days - hats for women in church and no tea or coffee afterwards as it would have profaned the Lord's house. they've seen alot, done alot, and have the best jesus stories. we made a brief appaerance at a party later and i got to see the bike featured in this blog ; check it out for ideas for a great holiday.

saturday: the Boy tore his hamstring and swallowed a fly; i went exploring with tom and nic; we saw a priory used by modern day monks for worship whilst they run a drug rehab in central bristol (v cool), and later redcliffe caves, mine workings from the 15th century which were also cool (and dark!). this was all part of the open doors scheme which happens once a year, i'm looking forward to next year.

sunday felt like the longest day ever as i basically spent it in meetings about church stuff, but the one in the evening (check matt's blog for more) was really nice, it felt very settling.

today was my first day in the my new job and i have survived. my mind is still spinning of course, but i think i might like it ;)

2004-09-09T17:03:00.000+01:00

1 day to go.

best/oddest moment of last week:
an academic, following on from a comment i made, asked me if i was a 'believer', i replied yes, a nd he asked me what type of church i went to. i tried to explain, but as so often happens he didn't quite get it, so he asked me:
"what is it more like; a quaker church or a presbyterian one?"

answers on a postcard please!

2004-08-31T12:47:00.000+01:00

soooo, good weekend?

mine was pretty good: highlights being greenbelt, and walking in wales yesterday.

greenbelt was a little damp, when we went on sunday (the Boy went on saturday afternoon too); i had a v good time with God walking the labyrinth - i've walked that particular labyrinth once before, and it was cool how similar but different my experience of God was this time and how he spoke to me(i know its an oxymoron, but hey!). we also heard rowan williams, archbishop of canterbury answering questions that afternoon; i've always been a bit suspicious of him before now, but i was struck by how godly and wise he was, he answered some very difficult questions very well. my impression is that he has been badly misrepresented by the evangelical press, just because he doesn't always tow their party line - what a crime!

i did hear some rubbish talked mind, at other seminars, but i think you always will, where ever you go.

walking yesterday was lovely too, i ache rather alot today, but it was compeltely worth it, though i'm not sure the Boy thinks so - walking isn't his favourite occupation - he was v gracious in agreeing to go!

2004-08-19T18:17:00.000+01:00

so its now 16 working days to go . . . .

but from now on it gets really tough. i'm not really expecting to have a life for the next 3 weeks, starting monday.

and what with all the birthdays in the office i've eaten rather a lot of cakes.

question of the day: will the Boy and I actually make it to see england women (footy) v russia tonight? the jury is out, as i'm still in the office, and i won't be leaving for a while!

2004-08-16T17:20:00.000+01:00

hurrah, england have beaten the windies again!

i'm just back at work after a lovely week at home working on our house; we now have a dining room, yipee and nearly a study (we have no computer at home whilst all this is going on). its been interesting having no computer - it meant that it was easier to take the break from work as i couldn't check my emails, but i did miss it a bit - this might be cos we were at home, not sunningourselves on a beach somewhere.

highlights of the week include climbing pen-y-fan and corn du on monday in perfect weather (warm and sunny lower down, cloudy and cool higher up when we were all hot!) and whilst the Boy was paddling in a small lake half way up the discovery that leeches exist in the wild in this country; specifically in that lake - the Boy moves fast when he needs to! a lovely dinner monday night, megan may's dedication on sunday, sleeping a lot, and feeling really naughty when, being rather tired after working hard all week, i took sunday morning off from church and lay in bed.

my new job: its at bristol uni, in the department of archaeology, and i've really looking forward to it. i'll be able to walk to work, do more interesting things, (i am going to be departmental secretary and pa to the head of department), and the department seemed lovely. have i mentioned i'm looking forward to it?

it was hard coming back to work today, i was dreading it a bit, but on the whole it was about as i thought it would be - the people i expected to be pleased for me were, the others weren't, but they've had a week to calm down about it now. it probably helps that there were more staff ructions just before the weekend, to take the heat off me. i am now counting down the days:
18 working days to go.

2004-08-05T14:38:00.000+01:00

sooo, its been a long week, involving a nervewracking trip to the dentist (first time in 7 years, one filling needs doing, since you ask!) and then a job interview this morning . . . .

i've been incrediably unhappy at work for a while now and the Boy and i had decided that whether i got a new job or not i would hand in my notice tomorrow (friday), it would be tough financially etc but worth it, cos its been soooooo bad. my team are handbags at the ready almost constantly (you wouldn't believe how women of a certain age can behave), and i've been working flexi hours to try to avoid conflict as much as possible.

but this afternoon bristol uni offered me a job (my interview this morning was a little odd to say the least, more of that another time), i've been dancing round the office for a while now. . . .

2004-08-04T11:38:00.000+01:00

i'm finally allowed to say:
the Boy is blogging, check out his site

2004-07-22T14:26:00.000+01:00

so yet again, how great is our homegroup. in fact, if i were competitive i would reckon that we had the best social ever last night. you dont believe me?

well, one of the girls in the group is living, at the moment (but not for much longer) in long fox manor, an award winning conversion of a large 19th century house into flats. not only is it amazingly done and maintained (think beautifully gravelled drive and clipped lawns), but it has incredible facilties too: outdoor heated pool, gym, jaccuzzi, sauna, ball room and chapel, woodland walk with wendy house etc, most of which were sampled by our group after lots of yummy food (chris makes the best mango and avocado salad with basil and tomotoes, it has to be eaten to be believed). the boy was so relaxed by the end of the evening he could hardly walk, and what a great night to invite people to . . .

2004-07-12T17:47:00.000+01:00

i could write 'i love my homegroup, its sooo great' every week followed by anecdote and really mean it, i just hope everyone else likes it too!

this week i'm a bit more nervous andrew, as part of his talky bit on song of songs (aka a sex talk!)on sunday morning gave us homework - stuff for the marrieds to do, and the singles to hold us accountable to on sunday morning (its not as bad as it sounds!). however our group are threatening to use it as an ice breaker for us this week too (our group is mostly singles, there is just one other, slightly older couple), apparently it fits in nicely with the accountability bit we've been looking at as part of our (rather brief) look at spiritual disciplines. ;)

2004-07-07T13:01:00.000+01:00

a film to recommend:
i'm not scared

its an italian film (with subtitles) that i saw last weekend at the fabulous orpheus cinema and its just great, really worth seeing (its about a boy who finds a body, thats all i can say without spoiling it!).

one of the great things about the orpheus is that it feels like you are in someone's lounge - yeah a big lounge and with people you don't know, but it is pretty small. it reminds me of going to the cinema when i was younger, before the world of multiplexes and the prices do to!

2004-06-30T12:48:00.000+01:00

so its been a while. several long knackered weeks to be exact, this post may well be short, but i'm trying to break the ice, having been out of the habit.

i did try to post last tuesday night, but i was so exhausted i managed to leave a blank space. yay tired!

the weeks have been both busy, and eventful. busy due to work (but i've got 3 flexi days to take now ~little dance~) - i'm sure i don't get paid enough to go in for 7:30 and not leave til after 6:30, but hey. also busy due to life outside work, which has been fun, but to anyone who has seen me in the last few weeks i certainly haven't felt like normal me on the inside, so who knows how it came out! (best moments of this include having a couple who the Boy knows from his last job round for dinner last thursday, during the match, me talking rubbish for about 30 minutes then falling asleep during the crucial extra time . . .)

i'll finish now with our tale of the barclaycard: principally why you should not use them (they have no security).

a few months ago the Boy cancelled his barclaycard (with the company, and then cut it up). so we were a little surprised when on saturday 19th we got a letter asking us to call them, as they thought there might be some fraud on the card, as our bill was now £19 000. sadly no one could help us on the saturday, so come monday morning the Boy spent some time (!) on the phone hearing about the fraud (£19 000 largely withdrawn in cash, when the previous credit limit had been £10 000). the Boy got the limit set back to zero, and it looked like all would be well. until wednesday when barclays withdrew about £11 000 from our current account (thereby freezing it). cue panicked phone calls as our homegroup began to arrive. barclaycard were rubbish. our bank, smile, were fab. our bank stopped barclaycard from being able to take any more money from us, and began to claim the money back (it would take 48 hours). the next day the Boy began to have a bit more joy with barclaycard and they agreed to give us the money back (in the meantime we both still have current accounts from before we were married and used our interest free overdrafts on them; i took particular satisfaction as mine was with barclays!). friday afternoon we had £20 000 in our account, because smile had also retrieved the money! so currently its sitting there, barlcays haven't asked for it back, yet and when they do, we'll give it, obviously, once they promise us some compensation! so it has all turned out well, but there were a few minutes on wednesday night when i thought we'd be liable for the whole £19 000, money we really don't have!

~end of saga~

ps yay to our homegroup who were lovely and prayed for us in teh midst of the mess!

2004-06-22T20:10:00.000+01:00

2004-06-03T16:09:00.000+01:00

This is my new blogchalk:
United Kingdom, Bristol, Redland, English, Nomes, Female, chocolate, community. :)

2004-06-03T13:03:00.000+01:00

france was great (when the Boy finally arrived - i'm in charge of passports and tickets from now on!).

coming back sucked. heyho, we can't be on holiday all the time.

we had our first homegroup last night - we've taken over from Dave and Nadene Collins and it felt a little odd. at the start i had to remind myself that they weren't about to turn up!

i nearly had a heart attack half way through though, as our neighbour came to the door. our neighbours are extremely sensitive to noise, and we try hard to accomodate them, but i have been a little worried that we'd upset them (even though we'd not even sung!). thankfully it was something else entirely, as i really didn't fancy the hassle on our first night.

and now to the thing i've been thinking about:

d-day, i guess alot of people are at the moment. one of the things that i find 'food for thought' is that ww2 feels like it was almost as close to a 'just war' as you could find. yes both sides did stuff wrong - the allies committed war crimes too, but the purpose for which our fathers and grandfathers fought, and the spirit in which much of it was done is not something i recognise particularly in today's society.

for example read this:

King George VI and Winston Churchill:

The great crusade sets forth. The King and the Prime Minister call for a renewal of the fight against evil and for a world founded on goodness and honour.

THE KING:
Four years ago, our Nation and Empire stood alone against an overwhelming enemy, with our backs to the wall. Tested as never before in our history, in God’s providence we survived that test; the spirit of the people, resolute, dedicated, burned like a bright flame, lit surely from those unseen fires which nothing can quench.

Now once more a supreme test has to be faced. This time, the challenge is not to fight to survive but to fight to win the final victory for the good cause. Once again what is demanded from us all is something more than courage and endurance; we need a revival of spirit, a new unconquerable resolve. After nearly five years of toil and suffering, we must renew that crusading impulse on which we entered the war and met its darkest hour. We and our Allies are sure that our fight is against evil and for a world in which goodness and honour may be the foundation of the life of men in every land.

That we may be worthily matched with this new summons of destiny, I desire solemnly to call my people to prayer and dedication. We are not unmindful of our own shortcomings, past and present. We shall ask not that God may do our will, but that we may be enabled to do the will of God: and we dare to believe that God has used our Nation and Empire as an instrument for fulfilling his high purpose.

I hope that throughout the present crisis of the liberation of Europe there may be offered up earnest, continuous and widespread prayer. We who remain in this land can most effectively enter into the sufferings of subjugated Europe by prayer, whereby we can fortify the determination of our sailors, soldiers and airmen who go forth to set the captives free.

The Queen joins with me in sending you this message. She well understands the anxieties and cares of our womenfolk at this time and she knows that many of them will find, as she does herself, fresh strength and comfort in such waiting upon God. She feels that many women will be glad in this way to keep vigil with their menfolk as they man the ships, storm the beaches and fill the skies.

At this historic moment surely not one of us is too busy, too young or too old to play a part in a nationwide, perchance a worldwide, vigil of prayer as the great crusade sets forth. If from every place of worship, from home and factory, from men and women of all ages and many races and occupations, our intercessions rise, then, please God, both now and in a future not remote, the predictions of an ancient Psalm may be fulfilled: “The Lord will give strength unto his people: the Lord will give his people the blessing of peace.”

Its from The Times, and its the statement king george vi gave to the nation. yeah there is lots of things about empire etc - king george doesn't deny that our nation did wrong things, but catch the paragraph where he says:

We shall ask not that God may do our will, but that we may be enabled to do the will of God: and we dare to believe that God has used our Nation and Empire as an instrument for fulfilling his high purpose.

politicians and statesmen today all too often try to manipulate religion and faith, our faith. here was a moment when, yes, propaganda was used, but there is something much more going on.

in the same way the whole 'womenfolk' bit is sexist by todays standards, but the message behind it can't be faulted. of course so much of this is from hindsight - we know what went on under the nazi regime.

perhaps its integrity, i don't know. we may find in 50 years that with hindsight the current troubles look rather different; - that people have taken the moral highground with reason, on whatever side. and many of the people the king was addressing were 'christian' in name only, no real faith. but still, reading it gives me the spine tingling feeling i get when God does stuff; when the kingdom of God breaks through.

2004-05-17T20:59:00.000+01:00

our new bed is sooooooooooooo lush (gert, in fact) that i could, quite happily spend many days just lying in it reading in the sunshine. hmmmm, sounds so much nicer than work.

we spent most of the glorious sunny weekend indoors sadly, but we got so much done in the house on saturday.

sunday was spent mostly in the car, travelling , to have lunch with the some people(the occasion being a birthday). unfortunately we couldn't stick around and visit anyone else as we had youth group in the evening, so we spent 5 hours + in the car on the hottest day of the year so far.

never mind though because on wednesday we are off to visit the chan, the weather is great in the south of france at the moment apparently. ;)

2004-05-14T12:09:00.000+01:00

so the Boy and i went to the cinema last night, for his choice of film, 'taking lives'. its not really my sort of film, because whilst i like reading thrillers occasionally the 15 rated film version is sure to scare the pants of me!

at a moment in the film which was obviously building up to something that would make you jump (and therefore I had my eyes closed and fingers in my ears) the Boy suddenly screamed at the top of his lungs - a real scream, definately masculine, so there was no passing it off as me to the other 7 people in the cinema.

this led to us waiting until everyone had left the screen and making sure we avoided them on the way out as the Boy was rather embaressed!

2004-05-10T12:17:00.000+01:00

its been a while since i got to sit through a whole sunday service (the yoof can be a time intensive group): out of all of them that i've missed recently, i'm pleased that i got to this one. the worship leader had chosen a range of songs, from the very new, to classic '80s vineyard, to older hymns, and many of them were focussed on the cross. its been a while since i cried in song singing worship (not that its about what i get from it or anything, its just that for me personally it hit the spot).

the talky bit was good - i can even remember some of it today, which is good going for me and God really spoke to me in the ministry time - not alot was said, but what was said was rather clear! (and then almost like an addict i found myself heading for the yoof and a fascinating dicussion on the nature of evangelism!)

the reason that i write this is that it kind of surprised me. i normally find small groups, or serving to be the place where stuff like this happens. its not that i'm closed to it on a sunday morning, it just that i have a bit of a different attitude to it i guess (its an attitude that has changed over the years i think). its also not that i don't think sunday mornings in our community are good and valuable, its just that for me it isn't so completely central to what goes on between me and God, and i am usually much more excited when God does cool stuff in other people. so it was like an extra cool little thing!

one of the things that i am on a big learning curve with related to this the spiritual dimension in marriage and how the Boy and i's relationship with connects together. nic psoted something about this a while ago (her archive isn't working too well today, so i can't link to the post). a part of it is that i'm very used to hearing God for me, and acting on it, but now there is this whole other dimension too. an added part is that the Boy and i hear God and in very different ways, and have very different perspectives. its a bit of a joke about how different we are politically (it would be hard to be more divergent than us - the Boy thinks thatcher was great ... follow his line of thinking from there), but its like that for us in many many things. most of the time its fun, because we can continually challenge each other on our presuppositions - we can't just blindly think something there has to be a reason.

sometimes this is more difficult though. i've always heard from God pretty clearly (on a personal level anyway!)and when i ask something i hear replies usually (ok so its not always that simple; sometimes there are black spots where i go with the 'old orders are good orders' mantra, and have great difficulty discerning/deciding stuff). the Boy just doesn't work like that. its not that he doesn't hear from God. or get words of knowledge and stuff. its just that he runs on a very different level. one that i really don't get. its not better or worse than mine. its just different and i don't get it. and i hate that. hmmmm. i wonder if God is trying to teach me something . . . .

2004-05-09T00:13:00.000+01:00

i've been discovering a new joy in repetitative tasks recently. my job does involve a certain amount of this, from entering student marks on our database (high concentration), to photocopying (high frustration, due to our aged copiers), but its not just at work. having recently varnished our bedroom floor (three coats all by myself thank you very much) i found the rhythm quite reassuring, and an actual aid to prayer. i just need to work on this with the photocopier as it breaks down every thrid sheet, and it actually hurts my foot to kick it!!

2004-05-05T18:09:00.000+01:00

John 17

13"And now I am coming to you. I have told them many things while I was with them so they would be filled with my joy. 14I have given them your word. And the world hates them because they do not belong to the world, just as I do not. 15I'm not asking you to take them out of the world, but to keep them safe from the evil one. 16They are not part of this world any more than I am. 17Make them pure and holy by teaching them your words of truth. 18As you sent me into the world, I am sending them into the world. 19And I give myself entirely to you so they also might be entirely yours.

From the htfilwg blogspot of the day. i don't know that i'll ever get my head round this one: i, you, we are entirely God's because of Jesus. we don't belong to this world. i've heard it said so many times and yet as i think about it, as i try to understand it my head just wants to explode. how amazing is our God? how awesome and incredible that He would do this for us. thank you Lord.

2004-05-05T18:05:00.000+01:00

i saw 'master and commander' the other day, and the thing that struck me (and it was also one of the main things that i took from seeing 'the passion') was just how easy we have. how sanitised our lives are. people are far braver and more resiliant than we give them credit for. how desipte living in conditions that most of us in the western world would not tolerate now amazing things were done and created (maybe its not despite but because). the colour and the dirt and the noise and the pain, if you can see it in your mind's eye bring so much more to the bible, whether you know the exact historical accuracy or not.

day to day we are so removed from this that we can barely imagine it. when i was about 14 i stayed in a mission hospital in tanzania for a while. there are alot of bright, colourful images from that time (it was so green and lush, and bright and manic!) but the image in my head today is of a 2 day old baby who had caught malaria in its' mother's womb, lying in the middle of an adult bed (there were no cribs) attached to a drip, with little chance of survival. in the next room was a maternity ward, full to bursting, women sharing beds and lying on mattresses on the floor.

and we dare to complain about the nhs. these women were so thankful for anything. the nurses busy, in their pristine white uniforms (no washing machines mind, they cleaned them themselves).

its so easy to lose touch with reality - both the reality of the kingdom of god, and the reality that 2/3 of the world live in, before we reach the end of the 'now' and get into the 'not yet' of the new heaven and earth. stretching that john wimber analogy about d-day and the kingdom of god ('the now and the not yet'): there may be some suffering on the home front (rationing and so forth) but the soldiers in the front line seeing true awfulness daily fight on.

God i'm sorry when i complain about my life here and now, for i know that really you have blessed me far beyond many of my brothers and sisters around the world. help me to keep myself living in reality - the reality of your kingdom, whilst remembering the reality of others.

2004-04-29T13:21:00.000+01:00

hooray for thursday!

workload: gone right back up!
teeth: all good no dentist required (yes i know i need to go at some point, but lets let me calm down properly first)
caffeine/blood sugar levels: all normal for this time of day

i have to say the fast yesterday was one of the biggest struggles i've had with a fast in a long time.

i wore sandals yesterday (in the hope they'd bring back the good weather) and again today (for reasons i'll explain a little later) but the context that i'm wearing them in (ie cold miserable wet day) has been reminding me of someone.

in my second year at uni in sheffield some friends and i felt that we should be working with some kids on a nearby (ish) estate. through a combination of circumstances the anglican vicar of that parish invited us to run an afterschool club on the estate, using his buildings, and he even gave us a way into meeting the kids through the local church primary school. the vicar was an amazing guy he'd been living and working on the estate for years, a fairly thankless task, with a dwindling congregation most of whom were too afraid to live on the estate itself due to violence. he had been married, but now lived alone in his vicarage serving his community and God the best way he knew how. the thing that always got to me about him was that he always wore open toed sandals, right through winter, no socks, he had something wrong with his feet or circulation or something that meant he had to do this but it really was quite peculiar seeing someone standing the several feet of sheffield snow wearing sandals.

he died a few years ago, just before he was due to retire, of cancer, but i have some very warm memories of him and his eccentricities that will live on. one very clear memory i have is on a night called pyjama jump (basically a city wide orgy in november, involving lots of alcohol and drugs and very little clothing, for the students to pretend that they were rasing money for charity - about 20 000 would take part) some of us were doing this kind of rescue operation (all official, in conjunction with the students union and so forth, but staffed by student christians) which picked people up, took them home, to the doctor, or A&E and so forth. to protect people everyone had i.d. and so forth all that kind of thing. we found him at about 2 in the morning, desperate to help and not sure how he was driving round finding lost people, or people separated from their friends and taking them home, a bit like an unoffical taxi service. there could have been all sorts of consquences to his actions, but there weren't and i like to think that God had a couple of extra angels on him that night, protecting him cos he was just so passionate about following God that he looked for any way he could to serve him and get in on the action.

Lord help me to be more like my friend, make me more passionate about you and your kingdom.

so why am i wearing sandals again today? well after eating an amazingly good7 course supper at colleys last night (i think perhaps, on reflection that maybe i shouldn't have had that second pudding ) the Boy and i decided we would walk the 15 minutes home to aid the digestion. i had attempted to dress up vaguely and had therefore worn spangly heels, not the most suitable footwear for a brisk walk home in the drizzle. unfortunately due to his over protective instincts the Boy would not let me take my shoes off as he feared that i might step on a needle in redland green park (one of the least likely public parks you'll ever find for such a thing), so i struggled home in them, to discover, on my rather painful feet this morning, enormous blisters covering the balls of my feet.

call me limp along larry today (everyone else is!) ;)

2004-04-28T12:00:00.000+01:00

oh yeah. please feel free to email me. it won't distract me today, honest!

2004-04-28T11:54:00.000+01:00

i've known for a long time that i could win olympic medals for my amazing god-given gift of procrastination, but i'm taking it to new levels today.

there are several levels:
the fact that i did sooooo much work yesterday that there are only a couple of very irritating little jobs left today.
then there is the 'go to the dentist' feeling i'm having - i'm so petrified of dentists that i've not been in at least 5 years, but my gum bled a little this morning which has started me on an incredible spiral of panic which leaves me with little head space left to force myself to concentrate on anything (while i remember thanks tom and nic for the dentist's number, but i've been to scared to call since you gave it to me oooh at least 3 months ago), please don't tell the Boy
our community's fast - which is great and today in particular has good timing as the Boy and i are going to colleys supper rooms tonight for a relative's birthday, and you have to eat so much you shouldn't eat all day before hand, but unfortunately due to the other procrastination factors today this is just making it worse.
oh yeah, and several cups of tea when fasting may explain the lightheaded buzzing thign going on right now.

~gglz~

hey ho, at least there are plenty of interesting stories on the web today.

right ~frowns~ concentrate. must do some work.
maybe another cup of tea first would help. . . .

2004-04-23T15:37:00.000+01:00

i really am very fed up of dust (sawdust in particular).

having spent most of last weekend sanding 2 of our floors the dust on monday was incrediable, so i spent ages cleaning, to bring it up to the bare minimum. sadly the Boy continued sanding on tuesday, so now although the job is done the house is just covered (literally), there is dust coming out of everything. having watched the Boy play footy on tuesday evening, and been to homegroup on wednesday there hadn't really been a chance to start to clear up. so last night i got home and cleaned for about an hour, and then i reached my limit! there was no way that the house would be clean that night, so i decided to stay at my parents place. you have no idea how nice it was to wake up this morning not coughing and feeling clean(ish), then to have a shower and still feel clean 10 minutes later. its quite funny what you can feel grateful to God for, and what teaches you to appreciate the small things in life.

tonight its back to the cleaning though, with the aim of having one cleaned, painted and varnished working bedroom by the end of the weekend. its funny to think about how much i've changed in the last 10 years; i've gone from being someone who spent much of her summers trying to wash as little as possible, with the odd dreadlock in my hair and spending half my summer in a tent, to someone who is (not often mind) a little bit grown up at times, and who really is desparate to clean the house! i'm hoping that my deep desire to clean won't be permenant and obsessive once we have a few rooms together as that was always one of the things i didn't want to be.

i feel like i'm on such a huge learning curve at the moment, its hard work and fun sometimes, but not all the time and i think its at those times that i realise just how far God has brought me, but how much further there is to go; combined with that overwhelming sense of just how gracious God is to me in soooo many situations, when i stuff up so constantly. its funny there we were in homegroup discussing the how to fall in love with God spot of the day, with the Lord making me aware of how i don't take my sin seriously enough sometimes, and then i spend the whole of thursday morning blowing it (that would be my top, and at the Boy!) and i know thats the way it often happens, and over the years of trying to follow jesus it happens less frequently in such big ways, so you think i'd know better but it just doesn't work that way! one thing is for sure, i'm more grateful than normal for God's grace today!

~end of friday stream of consciousness post!~

2004-04-21T13:18:00.000+01:00

a meme i'm liking (from linkmachinego):

1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 23.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the sentence in your journal along with these instructions.

"I didn't want to bring her out of whatever kind of trance she was in, into a screaming fit."

(i'm at work, but happened to have raymond chandler's 'killer in the rain' handy.)

2004-04-21T12:59:00.000+01:00

back in the saddle again . . . .

i finally feel like i'm back on the planet, after one rather unpleasant coldly flu type thing, with a stomach bug followed by a throat infection. i'm back at work and kind of raring to go!

went to see the vcf santos boys play their penultimate match of the season last night when was good fun if a little (!) cold and damp. sadly they drew, and considering that they still get to go up a division the Boy is rather sulky! (something to do with needing to go up as winners to go down in history, i'm thinking its a boy thing)

we've been manic trying to sand floors at our place and its finally looking like it could be finished (apart from the varnishing, obviously) thanks to the myriad of help we've had (thanks everyone), but we're still living from one room due to the necessity of moving furniture around with the whole decorating thing, still, one day in the not too distant future we'll even have a spare bedroom, how exciting will that be!

the other excitement of the day is that my brother is back from the US and starts temping in my office tomorrow, i'm really looking forward to seeing him (and he might be my sanity for this summer). his girlfriend (of about 3 1/2 years) lives on the east coast of the US and his journeys there and back over the last few years have just got longer and longer (looks like its only gonna get worse as well), he may well be the most frequent flyer i know! i got a phone call from him at 9 am today to say that he is safely back in the country, but that his bag was stolen at heathrow. still its not as bad as the time that his connecting flight got delayed and he missed the last flight out of JFK and ended up sleeping in the airport.

dti: wow that feels like a long time ago, so perhaps a summary:
sleep deprivation, frustration (not necessarily with our young people ;) ), God doing lots of stuff - teaching both the youth and us about the choices we make, lots of food, and the deeper desire to own a dance mat (well for the youth to invest in a couple, even my dance hating Boy is addicted to them, they are just sooooooooooo much fun).

2004-04-09T21:00:00.000+01:00

i've been desparate to post since i got back from dti at the weekend, but life has just swallowed me up - by making me rather unwell for the last 3 days. i'm hoping to feel better tomorrow, but i've been so frustrated i had to post something!

right off to curl back up into my little ball with painkillers!

2004-03-29T13:58:00.000+01:00

so my poor old book group still hasn't happened. emily and i had set the date, read the book, told people and everything (we actually have people to want to come and everything), and then she had to work saturday and we can't rearrange for a couple of weeks, so it will give me more time to process the book, which emily chose as our first. its called 'the bride stripped bare' and its interesting, to say the least.

my first impression: 2 dimensional at best.

i'm picking the next one!

2004-03-28T18:19:00.000+01:00

works still not great, but at least i don't feel like crying.

we've got an interesting challenge with our youth on a sunday morning. for a while now there are a couple of girls (teens) who live locally who have just been wandering in, helping the hospitality people may tea and coffee, and then hanging out, but they didn't really want to come and do 'stuff' with us. ('stuff' being our rather relaxed version of what to do with 11+, involving lots of killer uno, footy and general messing around (i often wonder if we ever grew out of it actually, cos it comes so naturally to both the Boy and myself!) there are a whole bunch of reasons why we do it like that, primarily because they can choose if they want to come to the youth home group, but most of them get no choice about being there on and sunday morning and i remember what that was like).

last week it came to a head. there were more of them than normal (about 5 or so) and as they were a bit loud in the service steve ln, who was leading that morning gave them an choice of being quiet during the talk (hmm, even i can't manage that) or joining us. so we had a them and us situation which was interesting, the churched kids on one side the others in a gang on the other. steve gave them a big stern talking to (soo glad he did it, cos I could never have done it as well as him) and then most of them went to play footy, and i hung out with 2 of the girls and played hangman.

this week most of them were back, and were great. we played footy and hung out again, and i made friends with another of the girls. they want to bring lots of friends next week, so its a shame we are taking our gang away to dti. but what was really cool was the way that one of our regular girls made an effort to talk to and get along with the new girls without even being asked. curls (steve's wife) has suggested that we try using a much adapted youth alpha on a sunday morning, and get our churched gang to help lead it, which sounds like a good idea to me, although it really is going to have to be much adapted to fit with the new girls pattern of attendance, and the way we see sundays. what a cool challenge though.

2004-03-18T15:11:00.000Z

its been a while since i felt like i needed to cry at work, because of something at work, but i am there now.

2004-03-17T16:04:00.000Z

nice things:

putting on clean jeans for the first time. (context being that from about 1994- august last year I didn't own/wear jeans. it took some adjusting back, but that clean newly washed jeans feeling is sooooo good.)

cakes/chocolate. in my (larger) team at work there is the tradition of bringing in cakes on your birthday, and as there are about 30-40 people in the team thats at least twice a month. but even better, in my smaller team (there are about 5 of us) there is an even better tradition of bringing in cakes just because you feel like it! and if you are having a rough day/meeting or whatever often you often come back to a gift from the kinder surprise fairy (during a particularly bad run just after easter last year several of us had quite a collection of toys). the amount of crap we eat you'd think our office would be obese, but 2 of our team are blackbelts in their respective martial arts, and i waddle down to the gym (occasionally).

2004-03-11T13:23:00.000Z

one more thought (and that'll have to be it for now, having a job is so irriatating sometimes!)

yes i was moved by the passion (and i think few who follow jesus wouldn't be) but i was far more affected by someone (between 5 and 10 years ago now) at the soul survivor event, who before communion on the final morning ran through the events of the passion (filling in details such as how long it took to die on a cross and so forth) which was beyond moving and humbling. that is something that will stay with me for life and regularly comes to mind when i spend time dwelling on the crucifixtion and resurrection.

i don't think that this is because i was younger and less jaded and cynical, because the cross means more to me today than it did then.

2004-03-11T13:03:00.000Z

just to add to the previous post: i dont necessarily think that its is this whole sexist conspiracy about satan being a woman (there are several good protrayls of women in the film, including pilate's wife claudia), but it did make me think (and raise my eyebrows). ;)

2004-03-11T12:38:00.000Z

so i saw a preview of the passion yesterday (it comes out in about a week or so in the uk. i'm not gonna post all my thoughts (cos that would take all day) but here are a few.

-nice teeth everyone. with the exception of a few roman soldiers everyone had 21st century american teeth. even jesus on the cross after he had been beaten (bit of blood in the mouth but otherwise perfect).

-its being suggested as an evangelism tool by lots of hardcore fundamentalist evangelicals. are these the same people who think the pope is the antichrist? (note: mel gibson is a hardcore prevatican 2 catholic, and the film features all 12 stations of the cross, a catholic tradition)

-satan. i knew little about the film before i went (i didn't want to prejudice myself), though i had read the odd thing. when i first saw satan i thought 'gosh doesn't he look feminine' there is a moment later on when satan is holding a baby; again slightly raised eyebrows. i read the credits: satan is a woman. (rosalinda i think). i don't know what to make of this. am i being a 'feminist'? in my mind satan had always been sexless, as a former, fallen angel (though mostly, in the bible they have male names), but there is this little niggle, at the back of my mind that says 'oh the catholic church, though venerating mary didn't really like women much' (i'm using past tense, as mel gibson goes for the old fashioned version!), 'eve is blamed for so much'.

so here is me. trying not to make an issue out of something that probably isn't.

another time i'll do something other than a gender critque!

2004-03-05T15:48:00.000Z

and finally (can you tell its friday afternoon?) something vaguely connected to my deleted post from earlier.

if you read this thing (and i'm not writing to thin air) can i have your thoughts on competitiveness and how its fits in with the whole follower of Jesus bit? (I don't really mean in anything to do with the whole sporting thing)

this post has some starting ideas, but i'm not sure i really agree with the sentiments in the last paragraph - i do think some people are wired to be more competitive and God can use it, but i have this feeling in the pit of my stomach that its not that great, it is one of those long, slow rumbling things that every now and then gets to me.

i guess it could be an individual motivational factor, but its not competitveness that makes me want to see people move on with God, and i've seen lots of what i would think to be negative effects from competitiveness. but thats me and i would kind of like to stand corrected!

2004-03-05T15:05:00.000Z

i went for dinner with one of my good friends last night. she has a vaguely catholic upbringing, but has never really been interested. we used to work together and have kept up our friendship; whilst i never push the gospel at her i am always very honest (in a not at all pushy way) about my life and what goes on. last night, i invited her over for easter (i know its some way off, but it came up in conversation) and she asked if she could come to church.

2004-03-05T14:53:00.000Z

this weekend our youth group are fasting - a sponsored one, to raise money for the third world, and its going to be interesting. they are all having a sleepover and then we are spending the day together tomorrow, hopefully to take our minds off our tummies, then breaking our fast together with a meal in the evening. although i don't really like fasting with other people (i'm weird like that) and i fear that tempers might fray somewhat tomorrow, through tiredness as well as hunger, i am looking forward to it. most of the gang haven't done anything like this before, and so on when i get the chance i think i'm gonna spend some time with them talking about the spiritual side (not that raising money to give people clean water isn't spiritual in its own way).

i also plan to have some oj/sweets handy just in case we have a fainting teenager!

2004-03-04T14:48:00.000Z

the homegroup that i go to was very cool last night. we had some new people, who were made very welcome and seemed completely at ease - which was good. someone led us in a time of sharing which was done so well. i like 'sharing' evenings, but not too often, and it was lovely. the facilitator organised us to share something we are thankful for from the last week or so and something we'd like prayer for. after sharing we prayed in groups and filled in cards with our prayer request on - so i am praying for someone else this week for one specific thing and so on. it was refreshing and a very positive way of sharing, reinforeced by the way i felt like stuff was going to be acted on.

one of the other highlights of last week (for which i am truely thankful!) was thursday. it snowed here (such a rare occurance) and as the Boy and i aren't going to be able to go boarding this we've been a little mournful. (especially since one of the highlights of our 'courting' was going away with others from our community boarding/skiing when few knew what was going on between us, and the Boy dropping his snowboard whilst in the chairlift. he got the lift back down most of the way and then jumped (just by a ravine, with snow not that deep from about 30-40 feet up) he did eventually get the board back, but i learnt a lot about him from the way he jumped (he wasn't injured!)). so on thursday the Boy crawled through the logjam that was the centre of bristol out towards my parents place, we borrowed their sledge and spent a very merry hour or two pushing each other down hills, all wrapped up in snow gear. it was a real gift from God and something i am very thankful for.

2004-03-04T14:12:00.000Z

following on from the andrew jones malarky i read this article. interesting.

2004-03-03T11:06:00.000Z

i did a large edit as i've been told off by the Boy, and he was right. even if i have been mullling over stuff for a few days i shouldn't post largely out of grumpiness (issues that have made me grumpy/think for a while), and so i'm sorry if there is anyone who actually read the thing. but i might post most of the stuff later in less of a rant!

2004-03-02T16:55:00.000Z

on saturday we went (with steve and curly claire) to the training day for dti (dreaming the impossible, a 4 day conference for 11-14's). i wasn't looking forward to it, to be honest as i had better things to do than travel up to nottingham for the day, but there you go.

i'm afraid my fears were largely justified, but there were some saving graces. we met some lovely people. i got some prayer from someone who didn't know me or my circumstances who pretty much read my mail. (i love it when God does this, when its something i'd never ask for prayer for myself, or even mention). i was reminded why i like the event so much. see, lots of camps and stuff have junior leaders, but these are different. dti has the 'service team' (15-18 year olds), and this gang give real strength of meaning to the timothy stuff about 'dont let anyone look down on you because you are young'. they lead the sung worship (Kat is a great example) and help lead just about everything else. most have grown up going to this event for several years, and i find it incrediably exciting to see what God is clearly doing in their lives. it gives me hope for our youth when they ask questions like 'if i shut my eyes for 3 years will i be able to open them again?' (answer given (not by me!) 'why don't you try it?')

on another note:

i was pointed to this article on marriage which i think raises some pretty good points about relying on old testament principles too much, with out bringing in the balance of the new (and i am not necessarily agreeing with what it says, just so you know). 4 months married and she thinks she knows it all. i don't know! ;)

2004-03-01T14:24:00.000Z

this poor blog has been a little neglected this week, and i am going to remedy this by working backwards!

this weekend the famous jacqui chan has been back in bristol, on her way to the pastors conference in bournemouth this week. she came round for dinner at our place last night (more difficult that it may seem as our hall is now almost impassable due to the kingsize bed in boxes that fills it), and the Boy and myself were both a bit down as we didn't have the best of weeks last week. the chan had hired a 4x4 for the weekend, but hadn't put it to the test, so to cheer ourselves up we thought we'd go offroading. we picked a spot where it would not be too illegal or irritating to farmers about 30 minutes out of bristol and it was great we spent a happy time taking turns behind the wheel, testing the traction control and reversing up steep muddy hills. chan was having a last go before we headed for home and had been following a track that was becoming steadily more difficult to traverse and thought she a-spied a gate which meant that a turn would be in order. thankfully there was a small clearing in which this could take place. it was then that disaster struck.

the front wheels became stuck in the mud (one wheel at least 6 inches deep, probably more) and the back wheels were unable to get any form of traction. sadly the vehicle was not equipped with anything that could really help us, except for a flare (and we weren't that desperate) and it was now that we discovered that we were infact incrediably close to the main road and the gate was not really a gate. the Boy and chan attempted to gain some traction with plastic bags and random twigs as i attempted to get the thing going, but it was to no avail, we were stuck. it was at this point the Boy realised his wedding ring (just 4 months old) was no longer on his finger.

then we remembered that james and rach lived close by (they are members of our community), unfortunately chan was the only one with a phone there and didn't have their number, so there then ensued a period of frantic calling to anyone and everyone to get their number; eventually this paid off and we got the number and got through to james. he rushed out to find us bringing snow chains and a spade, but still there was no shifting the darn thing. it was now getting on for midnight and well below freezing. james and jacqui went off to find a farmer who could be persuaded to bring their tractor out to rescue us at that time of night. the Buy and I stayed with the car and he continued to try to dig it out and we searched for the missing ring. a few minutes later an engine rumble was heard and shortly after that our bright, bright lights appeared over the brow of the hill signalling the arrival of our rescuer. the tractor made short work of the mess, and we were soon heading for a very welcome cuppa.

we made it home for 1ish, only to get up at the crack of dawn this morning, to go look for the ring with the Boy's metal detector. he was pootling round, had a couple of false positives, and i had a bit of a pray. the Boy says 'why don't you have a look around a bit further off, incase it flicked off.' i wander round about, and i'm stood in a leafy, muddy type area, near where the back of the land rover had been and i feel God say to kick the leaves. so i do. and there was the ring. pleased is an understatement. if we'd not had the help we'd never have found it.

that was at 8:45 this morning - i made it into work only 15 minutes late.

the rest of the weekend i'll blog later maybe!

2004-02-24T14:03:00.000Z

its funny, i'd been thinking about pastor bill a bit recently. i first came across him when we began running after school clubs for kids in sheffield. we ran one on a sink hole estate and were begining some more and someone gave me a book of his to read, and some preaching tapes to listen to. he does a lot of things very differently to how i'd seen them done before, and, if i'm honest i was also just blown away by his story. so i nearly fell over when on sunday i was channel flicking and on channel 5 (of all places) i came across a documentary about him - it was about half way through, but it just blew me away.

if you've not heard of him (and few people have really) he is incredible. he was abandoned on the street by his mother as a child, but grew up to be a follower of Jesus. he felt that God called him to New York and the kids there in the inner city, in 1980. his philosophy is 'one child at a time' - right now thats about 20 000 kids (thats not over the last 20 years, thats at the moment). the thing that marks his ministry out is his complete dedication; each child is on a bus route, and gets picked up to go to sunday school (on a saturday) everyweek. there are regular bus drivers, who then visit each child once a week in their own home. most of these kids have no church background and live facing daily violence and horror - bill shares that - hes been beaten, shot in the face, all sorts - to be honest i could write about what he does all day.

one of the things that the documentary did, that just blew me away was talk to people, grown up now who had been to bill's ministry. one guy is an asisstant pastor there now; he grew up going to the sunday school, but became a drug dealer as he got older, however he never forgot bill and his message and after hitting rock bottom, he let god in to transofrm his life. the next guy they showed was a street person. he was clearly drunk and stoned. he had incrediably fond memories of bill, and as he spoke of sunday school he began to cry. he couldn't speak except to say how great bill and the church had been and how he should keep on doing what he was doing.

bill looks a bit geeklike. he is not really postmodern - to be honest he probably doesn't care about that kind of thing. he has to preach to raise money constantly - cos penniless street kids find it a bit difficult to tithe. but the thing is see when i look at him and hear him speak is how much he loves the kids he serves, and i see him going places few other people would.

2004-02-23T14:48:00.000Z

Perhaps I should start with do you read Andrew Jones' blog?

he wrote a post last week(ish) mainly about mission, but in it, drawing attention to the youthfulness of many of the participants, he referred to young women as girls.

the reaction has been incredible and shocking. i have felt very sorry for him as i have read the posts and comments on his site and others; today he has posted afresh with what amounts to an enormous apology.

the thing is, i just don't get it. the women who are complaining, many of whom have been subjected to disrimination, surely can't have run out of battles to fight. they talk about 'safe places' and trust being lost and all i see are women being boorish, bullies and rude. sure they are hurting, and that is often how it manifests itself, but some of these people are supposed to be mature.

yes i do believe that women are still the suffer under prejudice that particularly within the church of God is unbiblical and just plain wrong (after all freeing the oppressed is a kingdom value), but there are ways to go about things, because, when it comes down to it we are church, and behaving like this is sinking to the level of those who are doing the wrong. particularly when the response is as humble and as willing to learn as andrew jones.

people who don't believe women can do 'stuff' can not be won over by a slanging match, particularly over the use of a word that to many is completely inoffensive (i regularly refer to people as girls and boys). in the end they can only be changed by God, and by learning to recognise when he works through women: and that would mean that the women need to display the fruits of the spirit. yeah thats not fair, cos men often aren't held to those standards, but who said anything was fair in winning the kingdom. yes God is a God of justice who wants to set the oppressed free, but as the apostles spread the kingdom of God they were beaten, tortured and executed - all whilst still manifesting the fruits of the spirit. i don't mean we have to sit there and just wait, but it is possible to be proactive and so forth, with out this kind of behaviour - part of the radicalness of Jesus message is to turn the world upside down, but using very different methods to the rest of the world.

but then i am part of a community where women are cherished and get to do all the 'stuff' (and without the need for a 'women's ministry' to be pigeonholed into), and its not on sufferance. i know God has blessed me and the other women in a our community, but in the past i have been part of communities that don't feel the same way and this kind of thing would not have made them rethink.

as ever the thing that changes behaviour and our hearts is seeking Christ, more and more deeply, by desiring Him, and desparately wanting to be part of His Kingdom.

2004-02-20T13:13:00.000Z

contraversy in my work place!

apparently there is such a thing as 'international womens day' (in march). now i've not heard of it before, but it is apparently big in europe and the usa. what struck me though was how unfair it was, and so i said so: why isn't there an international mens day?

ostensibly this day is celebrated (so i was immediately told off) because in the 1920s some women died in a factory in america. well yes. but 18 chinese cockle pickers died last week in morecambe bay, and over 100 submariners died on a russian sub last year. shouldn't we be having special days for them too?

this is v unpopular at the moment and i am being seen as v backward and unfeminist. but without bringing the christian side of things into it all (that we are all equal before the Lord etc) i still don't see the argument. i think of things like a special day as a kind of pacifying sop (ie 'we don't really think you are equal, but to make you feel better and stop you complaining we'll give you a special day to prove how equal you are). if you truely are equal surely it doesn't need to be remarked upon. now i know that in this country there is still an enormous pay gap and there is still often a glass ceiling (you only have to see my workplace to know that) but i really can't see how a womens day is gonna solve any of that.

rant over. (for now anyway, i can see many facets to this, and i fear the discussion will continue in my office for some time!)

2004-02-19T22:58:00.000Z

having spent part of my walk home from work pondering if i was sinning greatly by making a sweeping frustrated and grumpy statement about students on my blog (and having concluded that it wasn't a great thing to do) i suddenly realised that the ankle length skirt i was wearing was not ankle length at the back of my body. in fact it was barely bum length. i was therefore adjusting it and begining to wonder how long it might have been like (conclusion, probably at least an hour, during which time i had crossed the well populated uni campus several times), when, as i was still fiddling in what can only be presumed to be a dodgy looking way one of the senior academics in my faculty cycled past me, with a bemused grin and said hello.

mortified is not the word.

well they don't call me knickers nomes for nothing!

2004-02-19T13:16:00.000Z

nomes is a little bleary eyed today. ( i know that is pretty standard, but there is a reason for it today). the Boy had what will almost definately have been his last day at work yesterday and last night we had dinner with the other people (and their partners) who have also been made redundant. it was actually an ok evening, not too depressing, though it was a bit too late for me on a school night (1:30 am, follwoed by a drive back from the country wilds that are flax bourton). we took settlers, which was duely played of course, but one of the other guests brought a cool but slightly bizarre kids game with them; it involved a ghost and people having to run into rooms to escape it, just about everyone (except of course the Boy) ended up with a minus score.

the real thrill of the evening was that we were lent the 2 player settlers card game, a new thrill for the Boy. the downside of this is that it is all in german (the inventor of the games is german), not just the instructions but the cards too. this, i am afraid is going to tax my translation skills to the limit, particularly due to the rather specific language. ahhh well i love a challenge.

random update:
students are a peculiar breed of human. after spending many years with them, there are some things that still flummox me. for example: we have a reception area with a swing door (it has a counter that shuts down on top of it to create a beautiful(!) desk space). the swing door has a bolt on the back of it - to stop it swinging! a student has in the last couple of hours removed the sliding part of the bolt - not the whole bolt or even half of it, they have just taken the moving part. they haven't broken it and left it lying around, no, someone spotted this person fiddling with it, and they have now half inched it. why would anyone do this? what possible conceiveable use could this small piece of metal have? answer on a postcard please as we are all scratching our heads!

2004-02-18T17:44:00.000Z

how exciting! one of my friends from the community i used to belong to in sheffield has done something v exciting. for the last year or so she has been going out with a chap called phil in australia (going out in the loosest sense as the don't see each other too often). well, last week mary posted phil a plastic ring (with an m on) and he got it yesterday. (you have no idea how excited i am!) so the official announcement: mary-ellen thornyloe (aka thornypants, scary mary) is engaged to marry phil barrett, sometime soon :)

~nomes dances around the room making whooping noises~

2004-02-18T13:36:00.000Z

first came

settlers of catan

but it didn't end there, oh no. now the obsession has grown, now we are playing

cities and knight of catan

can there be any escape?

2004-02-17T11:20:00.000Z

now i'm not a natural The Times reader (i'm a guardian girl) but this article interested me in today's online version. Its an interview with jack dee (yeah, the comedian and celeb big bro winner), he talks about his career and struggles with alcohol a little, and then there is this:

"The other quest in his life harks back to his early thoughts about ordination. He is a serious and intellectual Christian, a fan of the highbrow faith of the Archbishop of Canterbury, Dr Rowan Williams, and a reader of theology. He mentions the American scholar Marcus Borg, the author of Meeting Jesus Again for the First Time.

“He talks about being no longer interested in (religion or salvation, so much as about transformation within your life and the sense that transformation is taking place and the acceptance that perhaps you can’t be in control of the pace of that transformation.

“I find that a very comfortable thing to live with because as soon as you start forcing yourself to behave in a certain way that is contrary to what you instinctively want to, then you’re putting your faith on the table and gambling it against this sort of monster.” Does he believe that he has a personal relationship with God?

“Well, it’s like all these things. It’s something you have to work at, and I’m guilty constantly of just ignoring it. It’s a bit like realising that you haven’t rung your mum for a couple of weeks. I feel like that about it all the time.” "

i've not read borg's book, but i think i might now. yes i am interested in my salvation etc, but i believe it to be intrinsically linked to the transformation that has taken (and is taking) place. can we be in control of the pace? well yes and no. i'd say that by taking part in spiritual disciplines and so forth we can indicate our willingness to be moving along in this transformation, but in the end surrendering 'our' control over our lives is part of this transformation process.

however the second thing that dee says (about forcing yourself to behave in a certain way) i do think is a bit off base - i never want to or feel naturally inclined to fast or whatever, but if i make myself a few times i begin to appreciate the benefits and then may feel more naturally inclined. but i've gotta go against my natural inclination at the start. otherwise i'd just sit in bed reading all day, occasionally crawling out to order a new book from amazon or to make a cup of tea and eat chocolate!

the thing that got to me is that i really would never have expected jack dee to come out with something like that. confounded again! ;)

2004-02-16T13:01:00.000Z

so i've not written 4 a while. i guess so much had been going on i've not really had a chance to process it enough even to go blurghhhhh here.

so some of the events of the last week (ish). the Boy lost his job. the Boy got a new job. the Boy and I decided we needed to work out a way to find more time for each other, which will involve working less. (pretty good for one week i reckon). i chose not to go for promotion at work. the politics in my work grew uncomfortable beyond proportion. for some unknown reason i attempted to teach at homegroup. i've been volcano-like (a word of knowledge someone gave me in our homegroup that made the Boy laugh a great deal as it extremely accurately protrayed my behaviour early that day.) i worked late. we went on a weekend away (to glenfall house) with some of the people from our community that made me think. the Boy was v romantic (particularly on current form, when we've just been tired and stressed) and brought me flowers and a cuppa in bed on valentines day. i began to get excited again about something that God might have put on my heart. the Boy got excited about organising and refing a footy tournament. i cried because of something God said and didn't say. i learnt how frustrating it can be when your Boy has chest pains at night because of what will be a stressful last week at work and nothing makes them go away.

well. i'm not sure if thats a brain dump, a weeks dump or what. i certainly didn't mean to write most of it, but its what came out. i certainly won't mean to hit the post button if i do. maybe later, after some space i'll be a bit more logical.

2004-02-07T00:15:00.000Z

so God really blew me away at our youth group tonight. i've been reminded how much bigger than anything He is. if you see me and wanna know more ask me about it!

2004-02-05T13:59:00.000Z

lots of things have happened in the last few days, but the thing that has really surprised me is how good God is, how faithful and so forth. i don't know why this should surprise me because He always has been in the past but each time He does something it is like a fresh and surprising blessing.

on a different thought: in the past few months I have been reading some greek history; mainly about the peloponnesian war, alexander the great and so forth. one of the tales i read some months back was herodotus' account of the battle of thermopylae, when 300 spartan warriors (all of whom had sons at home, to carry on the family name) held back may be up to 80 000 persian soldiers who were coming to attack greece. the greeks had (for once) managed to unite to repel the persian invaders (the king was xerxces) but they needed time to get their forces together. the spartans bought them this time by blocking the pass at thermopylae (through which the persians had to come)for a while, which allowed the athenian fleet to deal with the persian one and for the combined greek forces to defeat the persians at the battle of plaetae.

its an incredible story, all the more amazing because it sounds like a myth, but it is in all probability true - these men knew they were going to have to fight to the death, and supposedly, when they had exhausted all their weapons resorted to fighting with their teeth and nails. i was reminded of this because of a discussion on radio 4 this morning, but the thought i keep coming back to is that this incredible act, part of a sustained campaign from the persians (under 2 kings, darius and xexerces) doesn't get a mention in the Bible. (books it might be mentioned in might include daniel). what does that say about the enormity of the ever growing persian empire (which stretched from beyond india in the east, to ethiopia and libya in africa). we (or at least i) often see the greeks and romans as the forbears of civilisation and yet this advaced group of cities that began the system that we still call democracy today, was but an outpost on the edge of this colossal, exotic territory. so often we see the world as revolving around us in the west and i think that sometimes it is good to get a sense of perspective in the whole God scheme of things. at this stage in time, the focus was still very much on israel (judah) whether it was in exile or not whilst we, this once glorious protestant nation (cos legally we still are you know) at this time were barely able to read or write and spent a lot of time at a circle of stones! and the usa had barely been dreamt of (even eric the red hadn't got there yet). it reminds me again why we should be humble and accept that other cultures, older than our own might have something to teach us

2004-02-03T15:50:00.000Z

I am LOVING this

- wanna read the Bible, how about the IRC Bible?

what is IRC? for those who don't live in complete geekland:
Web Definition: IRC - Internet Relay Chat, a chat system that enables people connected anywhere on the Internet to join in live discussions. To join an IRC discussion, you need an IRC client and Internet access.

2004-02-03T10:07:00.000Z

i'm just about to head to my exam board, but i've got a couple of minutes, and i wanted to write while i was still thinking!

i went to my community's monthly prayer meeting last night, i've not been for a while, and it just rocked! its been a while since i went to a prayer meeting that seemed to be over in a flash, but thats how last night's felt, it was so good to feel the awesome presence of God. i've really been dwelling on revelation 21.

2004-02-02T15:36:00.000Z

its been one of those weekends. busy. got a bash on the head. seen family. had a meeting. helped my boy move office. went to a wedding. spent an evening with friends.

its going to be one of those weeks. exam boards tomorrow (i'm covering for someone else so its double the work). politics at work are getting tricky again. busy most nights. its times like these that i really appreciate space (in my day and in my head). i live for having an hour or so in the day to get outside and walk whether i get wet or not! i've managed to grab 20 mins for some peace right now, but its not quite the same sitting at my desk.

on another train of thought, a friend in the US emailed me this weekend and it was soo good to hear from him - its been a while and it was all good news, it really made my day.

2004-01-30T15:30:00.000Z

2004-01-29T15:45:00.000Z

this blog is under development. links may (or may not) work again soon!

2004-01-28T13:22:00.000Z

having been encouraged (or to put it more fairly, having been given a kick up the bum) to blog a bit more regularly (could i have been less regular i wonder?) here i am.

the debate that is not exactly raging, rather, i'd say, mulling round in my head, is about my yoga class.

i started going to a yoga class at my gym last summer, and enjoyed it; it was very much exercise based, rather than going in to the spiritual side of things, which helped to make me feel more comfortable about it. occasionally there would be a substitute teacher who was more into the spiritual side, but we usually had warning about it, and i'd just miss the class.

then things changed, the sub teacher took over the class, and i stopped going, partly due to the time pressures of getting married and so forth. recently though i've wanted to get back into it; i go with a friend who doesn't go to church usually, and as well as being exercise its a nice way of keeping in touch. after some research on the web i found yoga without the tree hugging, which sounded like my kind of thing.
http://www.zenyoga.co.uk/
i went for the first time last night, and i really enjoyed it; much more gentle than my last class, but i've really noticed the stretch today and the 20 minute walk to and from helps too.

the dilemma is, my boy thinks its all desperately dodgy. now i think i can distinguish between what is and isn't good (hence avoiding the more spiritual class) and i find great benefit in the stretching and flexibility as well as the relaxation. he (partly i think due to his rather strict pentecostal upbringing, which also included training in which records not play backwards to protect oneself from satanic messages) thinks that even the stretching and breathing exercises are Trouble.

it was bearing this in mind that i went to the class last night - there were people meditating before the class (just one or two), but most of the class were white, middle class over a wide range of ages, who were clearly doing it for the exercise/relaxation and nothing more. this was the first class i'd ever done with the lights off, and it did involve much more concentration on breathing than i'm used to, but this was useful. there certainly wasn't any chanting or ommming - there were times when it was suggested that we clear our minds, but this was to help us stretch further (and to be honest i have difficulty thinking about anything when i feel like i'm stretching my hamstring to its limit).

my boy is not convinced however, and i can't even persuade him to come to a class with me to put his fears to rest. so the question i am pondering is: how much notice do i take of this? am i secretly/subconsiously opening myself up to 'spiritual' harm? does it matter that i can quite happily do this (and talk to God most of the way there and back) - is there a 'faith alarm button' that i am missing?

whats a girl to do?

2004-01-26T14:52:00.000Z

I WANT SNOW

2003-07-17T10:42:00.000+01:00

thanks to green fairy for this . . . (as if i didn't really know this already)

Threat rating: High. The Bush administration is
concerned that it may not get a second term.
Therefore, we are going to change the rules so
that each Democrat vote only counts as 0.2
votes because Democrat is a shorter word than
Republican

What threat to the Bush administration are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

2003-07-16T13:10:00.000+01:00

its true, holidays rock. trouble is i'm now back at work and its tough. that and planning a wedding and my head might explode!

i can definately recommend the eden project (www.edenproject.com), lazing around generally in cornwall and eating lots however.

what am i thinking about atm? keeping my head above water, not getting tan lines on my shoulders (wedding dress issues), and losing an inch from my waistline (more wedding dress issues) without eating less or doing more exercise (time for a bit of magic i think)

2003-06-27T15:31:00.000+01:00

arhhh the lunch time ill advised glass of wine. it gives the afternoon a rosy, but unbearably slow glow!

questions of the day: how am i ever going to lose weight when i simply don't care enough to eat less!
does telling someone you want a suprise invalidate the benefit of the surprise?
should i stick to the resolution i make every time i have a lunch time drink and actually not have 'just the one' again?

2003-06-24T16:07:00.000+01:00

so its been a while since i first blogged, which is kinda sad, but i've been too busy with work to do anything recently.

but all that had changed as of this morning, my field board meeting is done and the world is now almost my oyster.

in the meantime in the last couple of weeks i've managed to get myself engaged (how did that happen), and generally be tired, frazzled and nasty to a wide range of people who have kindly put up with me.

there's this diagram in dallas willard's book (renovation of the heart) that talks about how one's life and the actions one takes are a direct reflection of ones heart and relationship with the Creator. dallas makes the point that when one loses one's temper and then says 'thats not like me, i don't normally do that' thats not really right; it had to be within you in order to come out, which means the Shaper has more work to do, whether its a one off or no. this sounds like a pretty accurate idea to me: it does however mean that on the strength of the last couple of weeks the Father has rather a lot to do in me. its true that pressure brings out extremes but it also makes me question how far the changes the Lord has made in my life have gone; mabe they only scratched the surface. in which case i have to ask Him upstairs to do somethign about it, cos i just don't like who i've been.

2003-05-19T15:09:00.000+01:00

So I was wondering where to start and the only place I could think of was the ramblings that are milling around in my mind at the moment.

I'm not sure where all the threads began, or where they are heading but I am just consumed with an overall sense of unease; not a bad thing I think, as it challenges and stretches me.

I've been reading a biography of Henry VIII's children, which atm is focussing on Mary I - an interesting character. In fact they all were; Mary, Elizabeth and Edward all seem to have been incrediably pious, in their individual ways, and also hopelessly misguided. Mary was an incrediably pious Catholic, who though influenced by a traumatic childhood (as all three were), displays an incrediable devotion to her faith. Edward, as he grew up embraced Protestantism (in contrast to Mary's Roman Catholicism); but what had begun only a few years previously as a movement of mercy and grace in his eyes became harsh and unforgiving, leading him to persecute his sister Mary and to attempt to force his beliefs onto hers.

Without even touching on Mary and Elizabeth's relationship this provokes so many thoughts and questions. Mary's devotion to the Roman church was due in great part to her mother and father's disasterous relationship, so how much of it was genuine? In fact it is a question to be asked of all three monarchs, did any of them have a real relationship with Jesus? This is not meant to be a critique of them, as I will not know (til I've left this world at least), but how much of their actions were cultural and how much were actually a fundamental part of any faith (theirs and ours). Mary was prepared to be martyred for her faith, yet she martyred many who saw the Bible differently. Was it simply a 16th century inability to see the world from other's points of view, or does serious deep faith always produce these kinds of reaction? (Which many proponents of faith would argue is an impossibility, as deep faith apparently produces tolerance in many cases.) Or is it more simply a lack of faith? This last answer I am loath to accept, for i can not believe the Mary who spent hours in prayer every day was not in some way touched by God. Yet, at the height of her persecution of the protestants in this country, in the years when the most people were burned at the stake, it was in those years that she seemed the most devout.

I'm just not ready to accept it as a cultural thing for the 16th century, maybe that's my modern (or postmodern) incapacity to see this world that we are so far removed from so perhaps its a lack or gap in my understanding of God - maybe with their eyes and their culture and background these former leaders of our nation saw a different side of God. Yes their view had its (to us, with our amazing hindsight) distortions but it may also have an element that I or we lack in our experience of faith. Perhaps the willingness to die for ones faith, is linked with a willingness to kill for it. (or at least emotions and a lifestyle so deeply entrenched in it that, when misguided, that is its' fruit).

2003-05-19T13:30:00.000+01:00

Testing . . . Testing . . . . oh aren't I?!