so sporadic posting is an understatement.

the trouble with not posting often is that you don't know where to start, and each time requires a rethink about what you are prepared to say in public. the whole public/private thing can get very tricky.

suffice it to say, i'm not having the best time at work for a number of reasons, and being continually tired and stressed seems to affect quite alot of my life. but what to do is difficult. how do i fit action with what i consider to be important principles? when does speaking your mind become more than that? at what point does discussing a problem, consulting to find a solution, being a team player, descend into bitching?

and how, when you are tired a demoralised do you manage to look past the grot and take pleasure in the little things? in the clear crisp autmnal day, the mist creeping romanitcally around the hills and through the trees, the fantastic colours in nature, the surprise gift, the graciousness of those around who instead of saying 'pull yourself together' listen patiently.

i should stop now, and crawl into bed. another day past. 5 weeks until the end of term (thats 24 days left for those who are counting)
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as i lay in bed this morning listening to the today programme on radio 4 i became increasingly proud of archbishop john sentamu, who, without taking sides is taking action over the mess in the middle east, by praying and fasting. you can read more about it here. what i thought was particularly good was he was refocussing us back on the real tradgedy of the moment - yesterday's events meant that whilst travellers were inconvenienced they were safe, unlike the people in lebanon:

As of Thursday evening, more than 1,000 Lebanese, most of them civilians, have now been killed in the month-long conflict, Lebanon says. Some 122 Israelis, most of them soldiers, have also been killed.
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i'm posting right now because i am just too tired to work. i'm writing this then i shall have another cup of tea, and press on.

i'm tired today, because i finally went to sleep at about 12:30 last night, and i got up at 2:45 to drive to stonehenge for a private viewing (you get to walk among the stones unlike on a normal visit).

the thing that got me (as i wandered around with rampant archaeologists!) is the size of the thing. never mind anything else, and i've seen a few stone circles/henges in my time (brodgar and stenness at easter were new to me) but stonehenge really is massive. it also feels very far removed from avebury, which is just up the road, the landscape and scale are so different. without being all pseudospiritual there really was something special about arriving at 5am and watching the sun rise.

the bacon sarnie on the way back was pretty good too. right tea and then work . ..
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~dips toe in water~
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our week or so in france was lovely, but that was a long time ago now.

this week i don't know whether i'm sitting or standing it feels like. some lovely things and some not very fun things.

one of the things on the lovely front; my friend kathy getting married
one of the things on the not so lovely front; being so late for kathy's wedding that i missed the marriage but arrived at the split second i needed to in order to do my reading - i feel divine intervention in that one!

i've been asking myself a lot of questions, but i won't bore anyone with that. one of my problems is that i'm just not satisfied, i'd like to be content, but its going to take rather alot of inner transformation at this rate.
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